Ai yai yai…broken promises, amirite? I’ve been meaning to kickstart this blog back into action, but have been sidetracked with the sheer AMOUNT OF THINGS that have happened over the past several months and haven’t known how to start or where to re-begin! So instead, here’s a sampling, in one foul swoop.
Since October, I….
Quit my job/went to Asia/possibly got dengue fever/started a new career, cautiously/enjoyed being free from my old job/gave up dating/cancelled Tinder/re-signed up for Tinder/deleted Tinder again/split my time between New York and New Jersey, causing a low-level of emotional strife, mostly because I was actually legitimately enjoying NJ?/celebrated the holidays/officially gave up online dating/deleted okCupid/told all of my friends I was doing this/took a trip to California/took a trip to Wyoming/took a trip to New Orleans/started a new job/(ps, I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS NEW JOB)/expressed shock and delight to everyone I know that I’m actually liking work/wrote a lot of long journal entries about this fact/wrote even longer journal entries about how great it is to not be dating/rejoined online dating/started another weirdly confusing…thing/redecorated my apartment/actually got into running/started doing bedtime yoga/started taking vitamin C tablets/got my haircut/finally stopped biting my nails/bit off all my nails last night at 2 am when I couldn’t sleep/ got very into Andrew Bird.
…So. It’s been a pretty eventful time, and I’m feeling pretty good about things (and the same about some other things….)! And now that we’re all caught up, I will try and dive back into posting on a semi-regular basis!
A belated Happy New Year to everyone! I know it’s been a rough couple of weeks, and I’ve been clutching onto every last shred of good will I can muster. My parents recently brought home two new puppies, and I would highly recommend that as an antidote to the pitch black cloud that has settled in. (Forecast says blue skies will return…in 4 years.)
Despite the negative news, it has been heartening to see so many people energized and passionate, showing up and making noise. The intense disgust I felt for this country in November has fortunately been replaced with some relief–that people are good and kind, and can still find humor and light and community, even when it feels especially taxing to do so. I’ve been looking for ways to get involved, for ways to not become so weighed down with the enormity of what we’re facing, for ways to not be complacent and self-serving. And that’s hard! It’s hard to feel ok going about a “normal” life when there’s so much else to be done!
But at the same time, I do want to be conscious of my own mental health, because I felt like I let 2016 turn into a year of wallowing and complaining and feeling sorry for myself. That is not the person I want to be, and I’ve been making changes, some big, and some smaller, that I’d like to keep sharing here. So I’m going to dig myself out of my self-imposed hiatus, dust of the keyboard, and attempt to get back into a regular schedule of posting on the blog. (Starting next week….maybe?) So I hope this can be a space where you realize, hey, even in these trying times, Alyssa STILL cannot find someone that will send her a bouquet of flowers after the first date. (Which is a real thing that happened to someone my sister knows and now the bar has been SET!)
Chin’s up everyone! And thanks for tuning in and letting me have this space.
I’m signing off for the rest of the year to enjoy Christmas and flee to the beautiful, cell-service free land of the Catskills. Happy holidays everyone! And hooray for this year mercifully being over!
It’s been…a year. Even aside from the cloud of darkness the election caused and the constant onslaught of depressing news, 2016 was not my favorite year. Work sucked, my dog passed away, my friends moved away, and I was once again left with my face pointed to the heavens, wondering when things were going to magically align and become easy. You’d think by now I would know that A.) that’s not how the heavens work B.) you should wear sunscreen when staring directly at the heavens C.) things don’t work on the timeline that I decide will work for me.
As I have displayed and written about countless times, patience is not my thing. And 2016 demanded a lot of patience on many different levels that I just don’t possess! I was supposed to be patient with my career and the endless waiting that it would finally become something I’d actually enjoy; I was supposed to patiently slog through the wasteland of jerks who dumped me and treated me like crap on the off chance one of them would be nice enough to date for longer than a month; I’m supposed to wait patiently for the day/minute/second where I actually feel like I know WHAT I AM DOING AT ALL; and I’m supposed to funnel all of this patience so I don’t look back and say, “Oh, silly Alyssa. See all that time you spent being impatient for things that have eventually worked out?” That is a TALL ORDER!
….So the goal for 2017 is to have (a tad bit) more patience. Or at least to not let all of my impatience snowball into a giant clump of FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AND ANGST all the time. But mixed in with all of that are some good things too. I made a lot of positive changes to my work situation (teaser – will be discussed in the new year….); I traveled, I made new friends, I did fun things, I took risks, I lunged out of my comfort zone, I flung myself out of situations where I was unhappy and made changes. So here’s to appreciating that! Personal growth! Maybe 2016 wasn’t a wash after all. (Though a better dating life wouldn’t have hurt….) At least I had a haircut I finally liked!
In a very special edition of snooping on peoples private conversations they’re having very loudly in a public place, I hit the mother-load of millennial angst and #firstworldproblems when I was sitting in my local cafe sipping an over-priced latte on my day off. (…The struggle is real.) This poor girl was venting to her friend about roommate woes (been there/done that/live alone now) and I was so inspired by her soliloquy, I started transcribing her rant from a few tables away and am dedicating an entire post to it. Living with narcissistic whackos is hard…I feel ya gurl!
“I don’t feel like I live there anymore. It looks totally different and it doesn’t feel like my home anymore. You know that couch? Well they moved it into the corner and Daniel was like, that sounds disgusting. They moved my chair into the corner and now I just feel incredibly uncomfortable. The one condition I said when I moved in was that I would get rid of all my furniture but I have to keep that chair, and they didn’t respect that. And next time my mom comes to New York I’m going to be like, ‘Come and help me figure this shit out because I hate it.’ I mean, I don’t really hate it, but I just need a mom right now. And the one thing I said, I was like, ‘The one thing that would make me feel really comfortable would be to move this bookshelf back against the wall’ and they didn’t even seem to care. So then I came out and I was like, ‘Is that what I think it is?’ And they didn’t move the bookshelf! And Tanner starts copping an attitude with me, like I shouldn’t be the one freaking out about it.”
At which point I fled the scene in horror, knowing there’s a guy named Tanner that apparently lives in my neighborhood now.
What’s My Age: 13, when I probably would have had a huge crush on a guy named Tanner.
When you scan through online dating profiles on a regular basis like I (unfortunately) do, you start to recognize patterns and phrases that come up again and again. And aside from the alarming number of guys who post photos of themselves posing with drugged up tigers, (someone, please explain where/why this happens??) a huge number of guys are looking for a “partner in crime.” Now, this is an overused phrase in general, and I guess it’s meant as a cute way to show you have an adventurous spirit. Not some average law-abiding Joe, this says you’re totally down to do some public trespassing…and need a partner for lookout.
Living in New York City, there is really no shortage of petty crimes you could get yourself involved in, and apparently these potential matches have a need for life on the edge. Hey, I’m game! I’ve lived life pretty close to the legal vest, but I could probably jump over a subway turnstile or two if the mood struck! I would totally be into staying in a public park past 11 PM on a weekday too, if that was more your thing. And if you’re feeling really crazy, I would definitely feel comfortable blowing past a red light…on my bike…wearing my helmet of course.
Hmm, maybe a life of crime isn’t for me. I know dating is supposed to expand your mind and open your life to new experiences, but maybe I’m more of a law-abiding dater. Looks like this closes me off to 90% of the okcupid dating population….
What’s My Age: 5, when I stole a pack of gum, got caught, and had to apologize to the manager of my town Shoprite. #scaredstraight #anythingforgum
Last night I went on a date that lasted approximately one hour and fifteen minutes, which edged out a previous record of a 90-minute date I had a month ago. At this rate, I’ll be knocking these puppies out in a cool 45 by the new year! Now listen, I get it, quality over quantity, blah blah blah, but it’s a little hard to get into the groove of getting to know someone when that someone is checking their phone every five minutes before announcing at 8:30 on the dot that they’ve made 9 PM plans! As a gentlemanly topper, he added, “No offense!” as he hurriedly downed the last sip of wine and rushed for the 1 train.
Obviously, he wasn’t into it, and that’s totally fine! Sometimes you just don’t click right away with a person, but one of the things I absolutely hate about modern dating culture is the fact that that’s an automatic end-all. There’s no sense of investment–of taking the time to figure out if you mesh with this random person sitting across from you. If it’s not fireworks right off the bat, it’s over and done with, plan B lined up (in this case…immediately). Now I’ve gone on first dates that have been awesome and second dates that have been less than awesome, but then I’ve also gone on mediocre first dates before begrudgingly meeting for round 2 and having a great time! You just never know where something might lead or when feelings will kick in!
Of course there’s no formula, and maybe I’m just being overly sensitive about Speed-dater Steve (not his real name…). I just wish that not every online dating interaction felt like a test, with options 2-500 breathing right down your neck! …Although I can’t really talk–after a luke-warm hug, I walked to the train and spent the five-minute subway wait-time flipping through online dating matches. ….No time to waste!!
What’s My Age: 21, when I went speed dating for the first (and only) time and drank four gin and tonics in 30 minutes.