A New Page

107I LOVE MY JOB! I tried thinking of other ways to write that and build it up, but it’s pretty simple these days! I honestly can’t remember ever feeling the elation that I’ve been feeling lately with my other jobs–of course there were elements and experiences that I really loved, but for the most part, I just showed up and hoped for a good day. But now, everything about this job is great! The people, the work, the schedule, the responsibilities, the challenges…I feel like FINALLY, finally, I found a job that’s a fit.

I honestly think unemployment has played a role in my work attitude, mostly because I’m grateful to have a job, and even more grateful that it’s a good one that I’m psyched about. I’ve basically been working professionally non-stop since the day I graduated college, and on the one hand, that was awesome! But on the other, without even realizing it, my expectations for my work life were reaching unattainable, stratospheric levels. I needed to be knocked down a bit and refocus. And more importantly, it showed me that my life happiness is not entirely incumbent on my job. I thought the worst thing in the world that could EVER HAPPEN would be that I was unemployed…it happened, it wasn’t so bad, it didn’t end up destroying my life. Success!

So now I’m riding the wave of this new feeling of looking forward to work and actually enjoying the time that I spend there. My only problem….with no more work angst, what am I supposed to write about?!?!

What’s My Age: 19, going to my first internship, feeling like I’ve MADE IT! 

Suburban Style

Life has been a little off-the wall lately, so in the interim of me “getting it together” (….good luck with that, me!) I invited the blog’s resident suburban person to make a post! …That resident suburban person is my sister. Who is living at home. Who may or may not be wearing this ensemble as we speak!

Check out more of Rebecca’s illustrations on her own blog here!

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My Jamz

Basic RGBI’ve been on a bit of a music kick lately, to the point where any second of the day where I don’t have headphones in, I’m thinking about when and how I can start jamming out again! I’ve been staying up past my bedtime, unable to crank down the tunes, and the first thing I reach for in the morning is my portable stereo! The only thing that hasn’t been sound-tracked is my morning shower, because I don’t have a waterproof speaker. Amazon, I’m coming for you!!

These stints happen in obsessive waves for me—I’ll go through torturous weeks of not liking any of my music, to suddenly becoming obsessed with a single song or entire album, convinced it’s “speaking to my experiences.” When I was in high school, I became obsessed with Dashboard Confessional, hitting repeat on “Screaming Infidelities,” and pretending any of those lyrics actually pertained to my life. And then my entire freshman year of college was a steady rotation of Joni Mitchell’s Blue album. Surely I was the only 18-year-old who suddenly loved Joni Mitchell after stepping foot on a college campus, right?? Currently, I’m emerging from a month and a half of exclusively listening to the new Sufjan Stevens album. I’ve literally spent six weeks listening to the same 11 songs, in order, proud of myself if I make it through without bursting into tears. Music is powerful!!

I’ve always struggled with moderation in my life, and my music obsession is no different! Of course, there are worse obsessions, but now that I’m back in the workforce, I can’t lay flat on my back for 8 hours with giant headphones on and call it a productive day! So I’ve been appeasing myself with lunchtime walks where I blast my tunes and pretend I’m in a movie about a twenty-something who’s “discovering who she really wants to be” while walking through New York. Coming to a theater near you!

What’s My Age: 18 in 1969, a hippie at Woodstock, groovin’.  

The Five Year Mark

105I realized the other day a major milestone had come and passed last month–five years ago, I graduated from college! So. Bizarre. And crazy and weird and oddly disorienting! Has it really been five whole years since I was in school? All it once, it feels both like a day and a million years have passed since then. I remember being nervous about graduating college but not sad. I was ready to finally be “an adult,” out in the world! I desperately wanted to be independent and successful, and I wanted it immediately! As a 22-year-old, I was ready to celebrate, and then assumed I would wake up the next day with everything figured out and the door ajar for me to walk through.

Of course, that’s not exactly how it worked out in the beginning—that door was more like a hole I needed to dig myself out of with a tiny little spoon. And then I needed to shove, kick and break that door down; something I still feel like I’m doing sometimes! But at the time, I felt like this was not what I had signed up for! I moved home, hated my job, and cried, a lot. Turns out I had no clue how to be an adult. I had no idea how to get the life that I wanted, and was exhausting myself with how many things were “going wrong.”  This was certainly never mentioned at the cocktail parties and toasts leading up to graduation!

But now, it’s been five years! Despite its ups and downs, I now have a job I love. I live in an apartment in New York City, where I can occasionally see the Empire State Building if I walk home a certain way. I have responsibilities, I pay bills, I have hobbies and friends and weekend plans. And sometimes I really feel like I have it together and things have worked out. Maybe they should hand out diplomas for learning all of this stuff! I think I’ll skip the cap and gown this time around though!

What’s My Age: 27. I survived!