Screen Shot 2018-07-31 at 3.03.38 PMIn the beginning of my relationship with NF, I was NERVOUS A.F. While it was a different sort of nervousness to what I had previously experienced, (namely, “When am I getting dumped, hmmm, time will tell, oh it happened, ok cool.”) I was still constantly talking myself down, even though NF was being sewwww obvioussss when it came to showing that he liked me. Like, literally 90 seconds after our first date, he texted asking for a second date. How much more confirmation did I need that THIS WAS VERY DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING I HAD EVER EXPERIENCED.

Of course, it would be GREAT if my next sentence was: “And after that 90 seconds of anxiousness, I was never nervous again, THE END.” Of course, that’s not how it worked, and it was definitely a journey to just accept that this was a really great thing that was happening to me, no questions asked. Instead, I was plagued by self-doubt, anxiety, and fear, mixed with excitement, elation and glee. IT WAS AN EMOTIONAL TIME, OK?!?! 

In the beginning, here were some things that made me nervous:

-Me going on vacation a week after I meet him (WHAT DOES IT MEAN?)

-Him facebook friending me (WHAT DOES IT MEAN??)

-Me, not being able to find him in an insanely crowded bar after returning from said vacation, but then finding him. (WHAT DOES IT MEAN???)

-Him saying, I like you a lot. (WHAT DOES IT MEAN????)

-Me saying, I also like you a lot. (WHAT DOES IT MEAN?????)

-Him cancelling, but also immediately uncancelling, a date. (WHAT DOES IT MEAN??????)

And that sums up the first two weeks! (Remember that one of those weeks I was OUT OF THE COUNTRY.)

I can’t help myself when it comes to being anxious about things, and it really had nothing to do with NF at all. He never gave me a reason to think those thoughts—I just took the initiative myself. Yay me. Let’s hope that after more time and patience, those questions on whether this guy even LIKES ME go away once and for all. (Just kidding….sort of? I am. Mehbeh? MEEP!)


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